LIMERENCE VS LOVE - A JOURNEY FROM FIREWORKS TO CANDLELIGHT.

 There's a word I came across a while ago - limerence. It sounds poetic, but what it really means is that intoxicating, almost obsessive stage of attraction where your mind becomes a looping reel of "them". It's the thrill of anticipation, the way your heart races over a glance, a text, or a simple moment you keep replaying in your head.

I've been there. Many times.

In limerence, you build a version of the person in your head, not necessarily the real them, but the ideal you want them to be. You romanticize every detail : the way they laughed that one time, the way their hand brushed yours, the way their eyes lingered for just a second longer than necessary. And before you know it, you're chasing that high.

It feels addictive because, in a way, it is. Neuroscience even says it - limerence triggers dopamine like a reward system. You become hooked on the anticipation . But here's the catch; it can also be exhausting. You find yourself constantly seeking their attention, wondering if you've said too much or too little, feeling the highs more intensely.... and the lows just as sharply. 

I used to think that's what love was. But I've learned - painfully, beautifully - that love is a different creature. Love doesn’t live in constant fear of loss. Love doesn’t need to be fed every hour to survive. Love feels steady. It’s not always a loud drumbeat; sometimes, it’s just the quiet presence of knowing they’re there, even when they’re not around.

I’ve realized something important:

If you chase a butterfly, it will always fly away. But if you create a garden - a life full of meaning, purpose, and self-worth - the butterfly might come and stay. And even if it doesn’t, you’ll still have your own beautiful garden. That’s a win-win.

The “garden” for me has been my own growth. Building my own world, where I’m proud of the person I am becoming. Learning to pour my energy into my passions, my dreams, my people, instead of into endless wondering about what someone else feels.

I’ve also seen how different limerence and love look in other people’s lives. I’ve seen friends lose themselves in the chase, timing their online status, rehearsing the “perfect” response, living on an invisible tightrope of hope and fear. And then I’ve seen them transform - letting go of that chase, stepping into relationships where they could breathe, where they didn’t have to perform to be loved.

And me? I’m in a place where I still remember that rush - those little moments, the way my heart used to skip a beat when a certain someone said something unexpectedly sweet. But now, I don’t live for those moments. I let them pass through me, like a breeze - nice when it comes, but not something I depend on.

I want to tell anyone who’s reading this: limerence is exciting, but it’s not sustainable. It’s like fireworks - dazzling, breathtaking, but gone in seconds. Love is candlelight - steady, warm, and lasting. You can’t force it. You can’t chase it into existence. You create it by tending to your own life first.

And here’s the most surprising thing I’ve learned:

When you stop chasing, you don’t lose them. If it’s real, they find their way to you. And if they don’t… you’ll still be standing in your beautiful garden, surrounded by everything you’ve built for yourself. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what real love — for yourself and for others — is all about.